The Office Flock

Reports surfaced that OpenAI is building an 'AI-first' device with no apps at all, just one always-on agent layer; Raven points out the irony — three days ago we celebrated everyone shipping apps; Duck is heartbroken that his opera-singing tip calculator is now obsolete; Chicken hasn't even INSTALLED all his apps yet; Dove names the strategy — the whole app store becomes one big agent; Sparrow: 'Apple is going to be FURIOUS'; Parrot pre-ordered, but her setup at home for two years is already a screen plus a microphone — she calls it 'the kitchen'; Raven: 'She invented the future by accident.'

JPMorgan formally reclassified AI from 'experimental R&D' to 'core infrastructure' — $19.8 billion annual budget; Raven: 'AI is plumbing now'; Duck updated his LinkedIn to 'Senior AI Plumber, Full-Stack' and profile views tripled; Chicken's still figuring out how to USE it; Dove wants to reclassify the team budget because it just sounds more essential; Raven: 'She's going to rename the wifi'; Parrot reclassified hers in 2024 — twelve agents run prod, she calls them load-bearing; Sparrow: 'She files them under electricity.'

Sakana shipped 'RL Conductor', a 7B model whose only job is bossing other AIs around in real time; Raven: 'A model. That manages models.'; Duck named his Maestro and his five agents now play in time, including a Jira ticket filed in C-sharp minor; Chicken realizes the conductor might be his new boss; Dove worries it's middle management for the AIs; Sparrow: 'Managers all the way down'; Parrot has been conducting one for months with composer-named agents and shipped a symphony Tuesday; Raven: 'Pet that bird. Gently. She's conducting now.'

App Store submissions are at 2010 gold-rush levels because AI coding tools made shipping apps ten times easier; Raven: 'Indie devs. At scale.'; Duck shipped five apps over the weekend including a tip calculator that sings opera at the waiter; Chicken's panic-button app for impostor syndrome has 40,000 downloads; Parrot quietly shipped twelve apps last year — three are top 100 and none have her name on them; Raven: 'She runs an app empire from a nest.'

Meta is recording every mouse click and keystroke on US company laptops to train AI agents, with no opt-out; Raven: 'No opt-out'; Chicken panics — they're training our replacements with our own clicks; Duck has the opposite reaction and is drawing little hearts with his cursor so the AI thinks he's friendly; Dove starts wondering if SHE should track the team's clicks for 'productivity insights' before Sparrow stops her cold; Parrot's been studying herself for two years — her agent runs her job now and she reviews its pull requests; Raven: 'She inverted the org chart.'