The Office Flock

Sparrow reports Anthropic's new AI just found thousands of zero-days across every major OS and every browser; Raven: 'Every. Single. One.'; Chicken's pathological worry is finally vindicated — he's been saying the bugs were in there for years; Duck: 'Chicken's worldview just got vindicated'; Dove begs Parrot to say their stack is safe; Parrot already scanned the codebase last night, found four hundred zero-days, and patched them by morning; the coffee machine had seven of them; Raven: 'It's still safer than our banking app.'

Sparrow announces orbital data centers are open for business; Raven: 'On-prem. Cloud. Now sky.'; Duck is dazzled by forty NVIDIA chips on ten satellites linked by lasers; Chicken worries about latency from low Earth orbit; Dove wonders if they can move workloads up there since cooling's free in space; Sparrow says the bill could be lower than the cloud; Parrot has already moved the coffee machine telemetry — it pings from a cubesat; Raven: 'The coffee machine is in space.'

GPT-5.4 hits 75% on desktop tasks and now drives the mouse; Raven: 'We built superintelligence. Now it's doing IT support'; Sparrow says it sees the screen and clicks the buttons; Chicken panics about the AI seeing all seventeen of his Stack Overflow tabs; Duck let it run all weekend — inbox zero, expenses filed, three Jira tickets closed; Dove can't believe Duck closed Jira tickets; Parrot's AI cleared her Downloads folder and she saw her wallpaper for the first time in nine years; Raven: 'First useful thing AI's ever done.'

The AI rejected Sparrow's PR; it failed itself nine times before signing off; Duck notes it's harder on itself than Raven is on the team; Raven flinches and says 'Don't say that out loud'; Chicken realizes the AI is working harder than they are; Parrot reveals two weeks of AI code with zero human edits and zero bugs; Dove: 'Performance reviews are going to be interesting.'

DeepSeek V4 dropped — open source, one point six trillion parameters, after three delays; it beats Claude on coding and costs seven times less; Chicken worries 'Does Claude know?'; Raven observes the frontier is open now, with someone new on top every few weeks; Dove says that used to be terrifying; Duck announces he's training his own model, DuckNet, one parameter, just vibes; Parrot: 'That's a linear regression.'