The Office Flock

The Pentagon signed AI deals with eight labs and Anthropic isn't on the list; Raven: 'Why?'; Sparrow explains they asked for safety guardrails on warfare AI and got blacklisted for it; Chicken can't believe someone said no; Raven (of all birds) admires it: 'Took a stand. In THIS industry. Respect'; Duck: 'Are you... admiring someone?'; Parrot: 'Principles cost money. Good to know they still exist'; Raven: 'Buy their merch.'

Meta bought a humanoid robotics startup and they're building robot coworkers; Raven: 'Coworkers. Plural.'; Duck is starting a band with his and they'll cover Steely Dan; Chicken worries the robots will use his keyboard; Dove panics about doing performance reviews for a robot; Sparrow asks if it still feels bad if it's a 1; Parrot's robot arrived Tuesday — she named it Wall-E and it folds laundry AND writes Terraform; Raven: 'Promote her. Immediately.'

Anthropic's raising at nine hundred billion and might pass OpenAI; Raven notes they were the underdog two months ago; Duck is thrilled — more revenue, more users, cooler logo, the team should be cheering; Chicken: 'Are we... rooting for an AI lab?'; Dove asks how to pick a tool when the leaderboard changes weekly; Sparrow: 'Whichever one won yesterday'; Parrot points out nine hundred billion is bigger than the GDP of Switzerland; Raven: 'And our wifi still drops.'

Cursor 3 ships parallel agents — five running at once; Raven: 'Five of me. The world isn't ready'; Duck has eight going, one per browser tab; Chicken's agent merged a PR he didn't write; Dove asks for an honest count; Duck has forty-two and named them after the Muppets; Parrot has two hundred and forty, half of them managing the other half; Raven: 'We finally invented middle management.'

OpenAI just bought a daily tech talk show for the low hundreds of millions; Raven deadpans 'An AI lab. Bought a podcast.'; Sparrow flips to wonder — daily fresh opinions, real human takes, it's actually clever; Dove wonders if they should start one; Duck pitches 'DuckCast: thirty minutes of pure vibes'; Chicken points out he hasn't finished a ticket in eight months; Parrot reveals she's recorded the team's standups for two years — three thousand hours of prime content; Raven: 'We've been a podcast?'