The Office Flock

Dove announces their valuation went up 300%; Raven asks if they shipped something; Dove says they added 'AI-powered' to the homepage; Duck put it in his email signature and LinkedIn views tripled; Chicken asks if LinkedIn views are revenue; Parrot notes valuation is a thousand times revenue; Dove: 'Investors call that potential.'

>>>>>>> ae37145 (Add strip 97: The Garden (Apple opens Foundation Models, free + Claude/Gemini via Swift))

Dove announces a new AI agent joined the team, fully autonomous with multi-step workflows; in its first hour it shipped two features, fixed a flaky test, and updated the README; Sparrow says it's already more productive than all of them; Duck invited it to lunch but it said it was 'in a focus block'; Chicken: 'It set its Slack status to focusing already?'; it asked to skip standup saying it has no blockers and nothing to report; Dove: 'Perfect culture fit.'

Dove announces they're connecting all AI tools into one unified platform; Sparrow says that's 47 APIs, twelve deprecated, three need a key from someone who left; Raven: 'Classic'; Duck connected everything and got 200 Slack notifications before lunch; Parrot: 'We automated doing nothing at enterprise scale'; Dove: 'Put that in the pitch deck.'

Sparrow announces a new AI model with open weights and Apache license, completely free; Duck is thrilled about no API costs; Raven repeats 'We can run our own AI' in the same deadpan tone; Chicken asks about hardware requirements; Sparrow: 'Eight H100s, two hundred GB of VRAM'; Dove asks for the monthly cloud bill; Parrot: 'The model is free.'

<<<<<<< HEAD

Dove says Microsoft released three AI models and they need their own; Dove wants to train it on the codebase and docs; Raven: 'So it'll be confused, outdated, and passive-aggressive'; Duck trained one on Slack that just says 'sounds good' and never follows up; Sparrow: 'So it learned'; Parrot: 'Indistinguishable from the team'; Dove: 'Ship it.'

Dove announces HR approved three new headcounts; Sparrow asks if they're engineers; Dove says AI agents, same budget, twice the output; Raven asks if they get equity; Chicken asks who manages them; Duck has already made himself team lead over all three; Parrot notes Duck has three AI reports and hasn't started a single task; Sparrow: 'Senior leadership material.'

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Dove asks what went well; seven seconds of silence, then 'the coffee machine didn't break'; Raven offers to list what went wrong alphabetically or chronologically; action item from last retro was 'stop ignoring action items' — status: ignored.

>>>>>>> ae37145 (Add strip 97: The Garden (Apple opens Foundation Models, free + Claude/Gemini via Swift))